Enough in the title?

This is for you Mick on your birthday.

Enjoy!

Words of Truth

Dictionary for Women's Personal Ads...

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish means 49

Adventurous " - Slept with everyone

Athletic " - No tits

Average looking " -Ugly

Beautiful " - Pathological liar

Contagious Smile " - Does a lot of pills

Emotionally secure " - On medication

Feminist " - Fat Free spirit " -

Junkie Friendship first " - Former very *friendly* person

Fun " - Annoying

New Age " - Body hair in the wrong places

Open-minded " - Desperate

Outgoing " - Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate " - Sloppy drunk

Professional " - Bitch Voluptuous " -

Very Fat -Large frame "

- Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate " - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = Is sex all you everthink about?

MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice tits!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex withyou

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sexwith you

11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally..... A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eyeand a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

Three women were talking about their love lives.

The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce;smooth and sophisticated."

The second said, "Mine is like a porsche; fast andpowerful."

The third said, "Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going."
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Olympic Condoms...

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

"Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?" "There is three colors", he replies, "Gold,Silver and Bronze." "What color are you going to wear tonight?",she asks cheekily.

"Gold of course, " says the man proudly. The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"

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The Immaculate Conception...
A seventy-five year old guy, his hair is completely white, marries a twenty-two year old girl, and she gets pregnant. Nine months later, he walks into the Maternity Ward.

He says to the nurse, "Well, how'd I do?" The nurse says, "She had twins." He says, "Heh, heh, heh ... well, I guess that goes to show, that even if there's snow on the roof, therecan still be fire in the furnace."

She says, "Well, then you'd better change filters.Both of the babies are black. '