tissue?

Women Vs. Public Restroom.
Questions are answered. Now men will know...
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women,so you smile politely and take your place.Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stallis occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the womanleaving the stall.You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, nodoubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, ifthere were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly drape itaround your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on theFLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seator lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discoverto be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear yourmother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you wouldhave KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday the onethat's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in thepuffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The doorhits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest,and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet."Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious,tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footingaltogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet ofcourse.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom hasmade contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seatbecause YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even ifyou had taken time to try.You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because,you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because,frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confusedthat it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose that somehowsucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paperdispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At that point, you give up.You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You'rexhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket andthen slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors,so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past theline of women, still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely tothem.A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet papertrailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here,you just might need this."As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and leftthe men's restroom.

Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom(rest??? you've got to be kidding!!).

It finally explains to the men whatreally does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly askedquestion about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other galcan hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under thedoor.So now you know. :'(